There’s something incredibly hot about bodies pressing against each other when you’re fully clothed. I wonder if it’s because this was my first experience of sexual pleasure, and my brain has associated that intimacy with desire.
I remember making out with my first boyfriend in Year 11, with our clothes still on. We were young, each other’s first kisses, and neither of us really knew how far we could go. The anticipation was exciting because every step was new, nerve-racking and a little daring. We were discovering it all for the first time.
During our last make-out session, he slipped his hand under my top and kissed me there. Even today, that remains one of my favourite parts of foreplay, more pleasurable to me than oral sex. In hindsight, I don’t think I was ready for that step. Although it was consensual, I felt awful afterwards and eventually ended the relationship. His friends had arrived unannounced and wouldn’t leave. The whole atmosphere changed. I felt awkward, uncomfortable and just wanted to go home. It took something that should have felt intimate and made it feel strange.
I wonder if my brain has linked those early experiences to pleasure. Maybe it’s not just the physical sensation I enjoy, but the anticipation, nervous excitement and memories of discovering intimacy for the first time. My body seems to remember it, even though the experience itself was emotionally complicated.