attention, attention!

Reflecting on my erratic behaviour, I realised how immature I was, often fighting pointless battles within the relationship and ultimately defeating myself. I would become consumed with the need to contact him, feeling panicked and paranoid when unable to reach my boyfriend. The dreaded message "The Vodafone number you have dialled is switched off, please try again later" struck fear into me, as if someone had turned off my life support. I'd obsessively redial, ignoring the operator's advice to wait.

It's not healthy to fixate on constant communication or demand to be heard and understood all the time. My redial key was worn out from overuse, a symbol of my stubbornness and impatience. I'd escalate situations, flooding others with texts after minor disagreements, expecting apologies that rarely came. Normal people, I realised, possess self-control and patience - qualities I often lacked. Once, in a fit of frustration, I sent a long, abusive email to him, only to receive a disarmingly calm response: "I like your smile." It was a moment of clarity. My antics were childish, causing needless strife and self-inflicted damage. In those struggles, I wasn’t fighting with my boyfriend; I was wrestling with myself, losing more than just arguments along the way.