the fire after the fireworks

The movie Eternity poses the question: is love at its truest in the bright rush of the beginning, or in the long, unremarkable faithfulness of time? 

Elizabeth Olsen gives Joan a tenderness and intelligence that keep the film from collapsing into sentimentality. She captures the difference between young love and enduring love without reducing either one. One is electric, unfinished, almost mythic because it never had the chance to disappoint. The other is deeper, weathered, familiar, and less cinematic on the surface, but far more real.

Unlike Joan, I do not have two different husbands. I just have Dave twice. There is Boyfriend Dave: the boy I loved with reckless, gleaming, honeymoon affection. This Dave could do no wrong. He was young, handsome, proper, and such a gentleman. Then there is Husband Dave: the man I have loved through years of adventures and laughter, companionship and loyalty, dirty socks, abandoned cups, household chores, and all the small, unglamorous acts that go into raising a family.

He complains that I loved Boyfriend Dave more than I love Husband Dave, which is exactly why Eternity resonated with me. If Joan had two husbands, then in a way, so do I: Early Dave and Lifetime Dave. That is what makes the comparison sweet rather than sad. Early love is noisy. It sparkles. It is full of butterflies and daydreams. But lasting love is underrated because it stops performing and starts proving itself. It becomes less about the thrill and more about choosing the same person so many times that your heart knows the path by instinct.

So no, perhaps I do not love Dave now in exactly the way I loved him in the beginning. Back then, it was all fireworks. Now it is the fire still burning after the party is over, the chairs are stacked, and the house is quiet. Honestly, that is the greater miracle.

Eternity suggests that love has seasons, and that the softer, older kind may not look as romantic, but it runs deeper. Joan had to choose between two husbands. I got lucky. I chose Dave, and then kept meeting new versions of him along the way.

match my freque

The “Opalite” music video by Taylor Swift is about meeting someone who resonates with your frequency, letting you be yourself unapologetically. It’s a magical connection where your quirks are celebrated rather than tolerated.

My story with Dave began in the opposite way. He felt like my ideal man, and I was convinced he was out of my league. I tucked parts of myself away, packing the colourful, messy pieces of my personality into boxes and shoving them into a closet. I tried to become someone who matched him, terrified I’d scare him off.

A few months in, I couldn’t keep the facade. I got a little unhinged, the boxes cracked open, and the real me spilled out. And to my shock, he didn’t flinch. He opened each hidden box, oddly amused by the opals inside.

That was the pivot. I stopped bracing for rejection. His calm met my chaos, and he stayed, accepting me exactly as I am.

I admired his character from the moment we met, and I tried to meet him there. Nineteen Valentine’s Days later, the twist is that he’s changed too. He’s tuned into my energy: cheeky, playful, and gloriously goofy. He jokes that I must have “dropped and broke him,” and that scenario still makes me laugh. I picture him as a pristine piece of china that fell into a kaleidoscope. Now he’s the one sparkling in my colours, matching my frequency.

cabra to caviar

Back in the day, my taste buds refused to travel. My world began and ended with Vietnamese and Chinese food, mostly in Cabramatta. If you wanted to eat with me, you were driving to the southwest, no exceptions. I even had friends from the north making pilgrimages just so I could stay in my comfort zone.

Then I met Dave. On our first outing, he convinced me to try sashimi. Raw fish! For someone like me, that was practically bungee jumping. But one bite of silky salmon and suddenly the universe cracked open.

Since being with Dave, lI’ll try almost anything: Spanish, Indian, even fusion experiments that look like art projects. Cabramatta will always be home base, but he’s shown me that the best bites are waiting outside the familiar. And because he’s an overachiever, he hasn’t just taken this little Cabra girl beyond her suburb, he’s whisked me all around the world to Michelin-starred fine dining.

heels to hills

I used to live on wheels and in high heels. I drove everywhere and saw walking as a punishment. If friends suggested a hike, I’d meet them at the top, in my car.

Then came Dave, and walking didn’t feel like exercise; it was just being with him. I didn’t notice the distance on those early dates as he led me through the city, keeping me entertained with quick wit and constant banter.

Shoes became tools. Legs were no longer just decoration. The girl who once drove while others walked learned that love puts comfortable sandals on your feet, and gives you someone worth following.

chemistry met character

As a schoolgirl, I liked the good-lookers. Later, I was drawn to humour, then to wit, then to attention. I kept chasing the thrill, convinced butterflies were the key. Over time, I learned those things were only fleeting.

When I met Dave, the chemistry was instant, and he checked all my superficial boxes. He also had qualities I didn’t even know to hope for: kindness, stability, patience and generosity. What began as the giddiness of first sparks grew into the gentle flame of a lasting love. He became my husband, the father of our children, and the person I depend on most.

Marriage taught me that the true measure of a man is how he cares for his family. 

Dave not only provides financially for us, but builds a life rich with quality time together. He creates new memories with us, shows us the world, and brings his parents, brothers and their partners along so the joy is shared. Life with him is like climbing a mountain together: steady, sometimes challenging, but always rising with trust, warmth and purpose. He makes sure no one is ever left behind.

I no longer chase butterflies. I found the man who is both my solid ground and the greatest adventure of my life.

twelve

Loving someone whom death can snatch away with just a whisper, and entrusting the very essence of our lives - the ultimate determinant of our happiness, meaning, and success to another fickle, fragile, imperfect, ordinary mortal like ourselves is one of the bravest, most unreasonable, vulnerable, hopeful and utterly beautiful thing we do as human beings.

Happy 12th wedding anniversary to us! 

appreciation post

I have lots of hobbies and every now and then, a new project sparks my interest. On top of that, I'm constantly shopping and hoarding everything - filling our house and lives with my collections of memorabilia, dresses, ceramic cake stands & tea sets, adopting pets and just creating chaos & making a general (organised) mess.

My husband has been an unwavering support throughout my endeavours, patiently helping me with my recreational pursuits even when he did not share my enthusiasm for certain decisions. Whether it was training our dogs, finding the perfect table to showcase my Victorian dollhouse, or untangling my gold necklace for the umpteenth time, he would handle it for me.

I want to publicly say thank you to the person who picks up the slack so I can explore my interests and chase my dreams - however big, small or unconventional they may be. I appreciate and love you.

eleven

Here’s what marriage has taught me about love: it isn’t merely a feeling, nor is it just about words. Love is an active choice you make regularly, not only to perform grand gestures but also, and more importantly, to carry out everyday tasks like taking out the garbage or homeschooling your children during a pandemic lockdown. Strangely, that’s the most romantic thing of all.

It’s the actions, woven into the daily decisions and sacrifices you make again and again to improve someone else’s life. Choosing to pay attention and show care, nurturing their physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental wellbeing, and helping them grow are what truly matter. Words are like the air on top of the icing. Without the cake of action, they’re meaningless.

Connection may be instant, and attraction may feel magical, but sustaining love is not. It takes effort. The chemistry makes it more fun, not easier.

Eleven years ago today, we chose to fly the covenant banner together on the ‘us versus the world’ team.

Happy 11th wedding anniversary, RD!

parenthood

RD decided that having a peaceful life was highly overrated, so he bit the bullet and proposed to me at this exact spot 11 years ago.

We happily wed and were naively blissful before our daughters & dogs came in like tidal waves and broke our sanity in the greatest way.

hitched

The movie Hitch introduced the theory of creating a window of opportunity to make a good impression on someone you fancy, but you only have one shot at it. I don't believe that you only get one chance; though timing is crucial.⁣
⁣
When I was younger, I thought that everyone in the world was paired up with another person. I believed that my predestined soulmate was connected to me by an invisible string of fate, so no matter what, we would find each other in the end. That’s a poetic notion, but it’s boring and predictable.⁣

⁣⁣Every pursuit of love begins with a dating game, ergo, should involve some form of chasing. When seeking a partner, most of us hope for that initial spark that ignites and creates fireworks between two strangers. This effortless attraction feels magical, magnetic and addictive. ⁣

⁣How do you know when it hits you? The eyes are the best storytellers. Eyes don’t lie, they will give anyone away. When there is real chemistry between two people, it reflects in their gaze. ⁣

I’m a hopeless romantic, but my husband isn’t. I remember falling hard and fast after our first encounter and immediately claimed him to be “The One.” Unfortunately, the feeling was not mutual, but I eventually tricked him into marrying me.

nine

Sometimes I question why we hung on when it would have been so easy to scratch us off as a bad bet, an unlikely pair, and a doomed romance. When breaking up was a feasible, or even a desirable option, under the green exit light with a 'not meant to be' neon sign.

It still baffles me as to why you stayed when my immaturity and pettiness spiralled out of control and stabbed you without mercy. When I wore attitude and irrationality that weaved like ribbons in my hair, threatening to strangle you before you could respond. When I pressed and punched your buttons, yanked and pulled your tolerance chain like a raging pit bull. When I pushed your patience to new levels and showed no trace of godliness. When my craziness almost drowned us, you persevered and lifted me up for air.

By God’s sovereignty and strength, He sustained and carried us through every good and bad fight we ever had, every speed bump, every pang of jealousy, insecurity, or moment of doubt that came our way. By God’s grace, we got a glimpse of our future instead of just wondering what we could have been. Maybe wondering is like looking a gift horse in the mouth. My gift is you, make no mistake. You are my true north, voice of reason, leader, and best friend. You’re the Han to my Leia, Marshall to my Lily, mate to my soul, and the happily ever after to my ending.

Thank you for pursuing me daily and for always chasing my heart. I might be hard to love at times, and being married to me is probably not easy, but it’s certainly fun.

Happy 9th wedding anniversary, RD!

brighter than sunshine

Didn't I say that he was my future husband?

best friends

Man's best friend and girl's best friend 

two point five

It's rare for Asian men to have much facial hair; they usually sport a patch of awkward strands - a pathetic excuse for a moustache. I'm not a fan of the mo; it just makes them look sleazy, so I avoid my male friends during Movember because I never know whether to slap them or laugh at them. Ruggedness is attractive, but it has to be a manly, five-o'clock-shadow kind of rugged, not a lazy-to-shave-even-though-I-don't-have-much-hair kind of rugged. 

RD is clean-cut and nicely shaven on all of our dates, but I like catching him unshaven when I come over unannounced. R definitely stands for rugged. I also like his chiselled jawline and the tickling of his five-o'clock shadow on my cheek as he jokingly pulls my face against his while I try to push it away because he's telling me he hasn't showered. I also like how he sniffs the top of my head when we're waiting at traffic lights. Stupidly, my heart flutters a little when I recall these moments.

red wine

Last Friday, RD took me to a posh wine bar post-dinner, where we engaged in playful banter over a glass of red wine. He chose a light one for me, knowing my alcohol tolerance is comically low. My cheeks warmed, and I felt giddy, laughing more than usual.

As we stepped outside, rain began to pour. We sprinted half a block before I started gasping for air, my chest aching. Under one umbrella, I leaned against him, my heart racing and eyelids drooping, feeling like I was having a mini-heart attack. I needed to sit down, just to catch my breath, and told him I simply wanted to sleep.

He panicked, calling my name repeatedly, giving me water and hugging me tightly. In my dreamy state, I mused that dying in his arms wouldn’t be the worst way to go.  After a few minutes, the spinning stopped and I sobered up.

Moral of the story: do not drink and run.

you belong with me

Dreaming 'bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me...

Taylor Swift - You belong with me.

This song always makes me smile. It brings back a conversation RD and I had back when we were just friends.

RD: I met this girl...

Me: *Drops the mobile phone* Cool, what's her name?

RD: It's *Jenny

Me: I know her.

RD: You know everyone!

Me: I don't know her that well, but we have mutual friends. Need me to stalk her for you?

RD: Haha no thanks, we're just getting to know each other. We've gone out with a few others and had a few short conversations.

Me: Great, so why not ask her out on a date?

RD: I'm not sure if I like her.

Me: You probably don't. Only kidding... Why not?

RD: There's just no chemistry.

Me: That means you definitely don't like her.

RD: I think I need to get to know her better, I need to have some alone time with with her so I can see why there is no chemistry. She's intelligent and friendly. I just don't understand why I have no chemistry with her.

Me: Because you already have chemistry with somebody else.

RD: Hahaha you're funny.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Our relationship has its ups and downs. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in public, as my new philosophy is to document only happy moments, not sob stories.

One of the greatest abilities of the human mind is its power to forget. We've both forgiven much but forgotten most. Sometimes it's good to remember, but only to recall the lessons learned. When the fight gets too heated, emotions are heightened, sanity scatters, and our harsh words can potentially break us up, but they can definitely break something else too.

What if there were a way to erase it all? When we're in the middle of an ugly brawl, aside from my swollen eyes, it's my heart that suffers the most. Yet still, my heart keeps beating. Because even when broken, it still works.

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa.

like a version

We watched “I Love You, Man” over the weekend, and this quote from the movie struck a wistful chord with me: "You've dated a lot of women; what makes you think that she's The One you want to marry?” 

I've had my fair share of boyfriends, each different from the next, but they all had one or all three superficial commonalities: tall, in the IT industry, and named David. Coincidences, I promise. When Dave and I first met, I nicknamed him D3 to avoid confusing my friends, who were losing track of the Davids in my life. Dave jokes that his biggest fear is the arrival of D4, as I trade him in for an upgrade. But honestly, D3 isn’t just another version. Apart from sharing a name, occupation, and height with my previous boyfriends, the similarities end there. For starters, Dave is my first  Christian boyfriend, a detail that makes a world of difference in the dating game, where nobody gets to score. 

Generally, couples are best friends by default. Ours is a special case because I was given the best friend role before the girlfriend title. He once said to me, “Sweetie, you’re nobody’s default best friend.” After almost 2.5 years, I'm still as giddy as I was on our first date. I tell him everything, from my Christian struggles, uni stress, and neuroses, to mosquito bites, shopping purchases, and lame sushi jokes. He is my best friend, my confidant, navigation system, foot warmer, a closet comedian with bizarre metaphors, and the greatest boyfriend in the world. 

I appreciate all the grand gestures and especially the little things he does. He naturally, subtly walks on the side of the traffic. He always saves the best part of every dish for me, carefully shells my crab claws, and discreetly places them in my bowl. Chivalry is not only alive and kicking but also incredibly hot. But most of all, he makes me feel safe and protected. Even right now, with a thousand walls between us, I still feel like he is beside me. All the time.

gold sprinkles

There once was a social butterfly, but now she has found her nectar.

Big parties, busy ambience, crowded bars. What used to be exciting is now exhausting. Nowadays, I find pleasure in being with one particular person and still having a blast. I love the quality time we have together. After an exquisite date in the city, we curl up at home and talk about everything.

These cozy moments often go unnoticed, but they're the foundation of any strong relationship. Being able to enjoy each other in every way gives me assurance that we can do this for the next 60 years of our lives. After two years as a couple, the spark is still there, but the nervousness and anxiety have been replaced with silent familiarity and a security blanket that tucks us in every night. These moments leave an afterglow sprinkled with gold, proving how blessed I am to have met that one in a million with whom I connect. I sometimes forget this when things go wrong because we're human and make mistakes.

Nevertheless, this rare connection that we have makes all the heartaches and tears worthwhile. No one is perfect, and in between learning our differences and life's interruptions, that connection is sometimes lost in translation, even with the most patient boyfriend. I get annoyed at times, my mood swings hitting any bystander, who is usually him, faithfully standing by my side. I erupt at the slightest sign of trouble, often without sufficient ground. Thankfully, these little golden moments remind me to look at the big picture.

home, sweet home

I’m grateful for RD; he’s been my rock and the perfect distraction. He puts a smile on my face and takes me to happier places, both in my heart and in the world around us. Yesterday, we jumped into the car and headed to an impromptu destination. RD let me be the navigator, and I picked Stanwell Park for its famous scenic routes.

We sat at Bald Point, soaking in the breathtaking view, with the wind in our hair as we thanked God for all His beautiful creations. The sun shone bright and warm, so we wandered around the park, squinting at the brightness, checking out the hang gliding launch pad, and adding it to our must-do list. Between discussions about wives expecting husbands to be handy and the unmatched usefulness of IT Programmers, we checked the map for our next adventure. 

RD remembered reading rave reviews about the Sea Cliff Bridge, so we set off down the Grand Pacific Drive. The Grand Pacific Drive is a worthy, yet laidback rival to its Victorian inspiration, the Great Ocean Road. Beginning at the Royal National Park in Sydney's south, this road carves through craggy cliffs past rainforests, beaches and coastal villages, climaxing at the Sea Cliff Bridge, to Wollongong and beyond. It may lack natural wonders like the Twelve Apostles, but the Grand Pacific Drive is naturally wonderful. 

Keeping with the theme of exploring Sydney, my best friends and I hit the city nightlife. We took far too many photos at Ramen Kan, browsed the night markets, and tried on items we had no intention of buying. We strolled around Darling Harbour, being tourists in our own city. I cherish God’s gift of relationships; being with RD and my best friends feels like home. 

A Melbourne trip with RD and two of our mutual friends might be on the agenda this Easter break. We’re planning to do some café and bar hopping, fine dining, and cruising along the Great Ocean Road to Phillip Island for the Penguin Parade.

One by one, my loved ones are bitten by the travel bug and eager to see the world. As they move overseas, I hope they don’t forget how amazing our home, Sydney, truly is.