Every year, I would receive a Christmas card from a certain someone. He had a family business, and while sending out cards to his clients, he would also include me. He continued to send me Christmas cards even though we weren't special to each other anymore. That went on for several years, and I wondered when his customary gesture would eventually phase out.
I didn't receive a card from him in 2006. A big part of me knew that it had to end sooner or later, as we were no longer in each other's lives, but I was disappointed nonetheless. Even though I expected our ritual to end someday, I felt that Christmas 2006 was not the day. I was curious as to why my mailbox remained empty and after a few sleepless nights, I made contact and discovered that the card was addressed to the wrong house number. I didn't end up going to my neighbour's house to check if they had my card. The physical card itself was insignificant; the knowledge of it being sent to me delivered enough contentment, and that piece of assurance made my Christmas a little merrier.
Christmas is only three days away. Like every other year, I hope to receive a card from him, but the only difference is—I’m not expecting it this year. Over time, my expectations have been set to a lower standard. When you’re no longer close to a person, your old habits and perks evaporate like the friendship that once was.
Time is an interesting concept—it is unstoppable, irreversible, and a generous tool to heal all wounds. I used to hold onto my fond memories and made an effort to journal my life regularly. I kept every personal letter, email, and even every funny post-it note that was ever written to me. Good memories tend to linger on, hanging in the air like the delicious smell of baked cookies after a festive tea party; but they can choke you harder than the bad memories.
It's funny how I don't hold the same sentiment towards ex-boyfriends as I do with friends. I only have ex-best friend issues. When reminiscing about my former friends, I feel a sharp pain in my chest, an awful sinking feeling that weighs my spirit down and drowns me in my own pool of nostalgia. Forgetting is only hard when you don't want to. This empty disposition comes and goes as I mourn over my broken friendships, the dead links in my life, and ultimately let them rest in peace.
4 comments:
I understand your ex-best friend issues. I've got them too.
The friendship can only continue if both parties hold no hard feelings towards each other. It shows maturity & the willingness to forgive.
I have people whom I've lost as best friends, but also ones who have stuck by even after the difficult times. And they're really special to me.
I still keep my letters form ex-boyfriends & friends though. I'm sentimental too. :)
like you said, time will heal the wounds. and think about all the new friends you have made along the way. and you'll always have those happy memories.
that rhyme at the beginning, that just jogged my memory to primary school when we wrote in each other's memory books and filled it with those rhymes. ohh the memories!!
Merry Christmas Thi!
Love this post Julz...
I think your sentiments are reflected by the general public who actually take the time to reflect and think about the relationships that means something to them.
the rings you find in those plastic eggs in those $2 machines are adjustable coz their ends don't meet!!
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