tazzie

I’m back from a holiday that felt more like boot camp. My girlfriends and I accidentally chose the most gruelling trail to climb Cradle Mountain. Picture this: trudging through mud, leaping over puddles, rock climbing, camping in flimsy tents, and dining on gourmet canned food. If two days of bushwalking with 10kg backpacks didn’t kill us, it definitely made us stronger. We praised and thanked God for getting us through the wilderness unscathed.

The weather was freezing, and at one point, I was so tired I almost toppled off a rock. Luckily, I grabbed a branch just in time. So here I am, still alive and writing. Going downhill was a blast—I just slid down, letting gravity do its thing for the first time. Starving seemed like the worse option, so I caved. My friends swore the sweet chilli tuna was delicious, but after one hesitant bite, I concluded: NEVER AGAIN. I should’ve trusted my instincts—cold fish from a can that smells like regret is not for me. Trauma, thy name is tuna.  

This trip has fundamentally altered me. I never understood why people would bushwalk for fun, but reaching the summit of Cradle Mountain made it all clear. The reward of that view was worth every muddy, sweaty step. Nature’s beauty is divine, a stark contrast to my office. Returning today felt overwhelming. The people, the cramped cubicles, the glaring computer screens—it was all too much. The office was bustling yet felt so empty and cold. I longed for the trees, the dirt, the lakes, the crisp air, and even the scary possum Tracey and I fled from. 

It was a fantastic experience, reconnecting with the girls and having some solid fellowship. Surviving the two-day hike together bonded us like never before. I was too busy staying alive to snap photos, but the breathtaking view from the top is forever etched in my memory.

hitch

The movie Hitch introduced the idea of a ‘window of opportunity’ to make an impression on the object of your affection, suggesting you only get one shot at getting it right. I don’t believe you only get one chance, but timing is crucial.

When someone catches your eye and you want to pursue them, you proactively try to express your interest. Often, you might lose hope and stop trying because they don’t reciprocate or didn’t notice your subtle gestures. This on-and-off, proactive/non-proactive state you fall into is likely what the person you like is experiencing too. They might be interested in you as well, but both parties need to be in sync.

When I was little, I believed everyone in the world was paired with another person. Your destined partner would be connected to you by an invisible red string of fate, so no matter how far apart you were, you’d always find each other again. Sometimes I’m scared I’m mistakenly connected to someone else’s partner, and one day, the mistake will be noticed and corrected, leaving me waiting for my true other half to come along.

Dating is essentially the time you spend with someone to see if you’re compatible for marriage. Each day should bring you a step closer to determining if you’re right for each other. Maybe I’m impatient or apprehensive, but I can’t wait for the day when we BOTH know it.

procrastination

Work is really relaxing, and I can go at my own pace. I usually don't mind the laid-back environment, but I'm starting to feel that my job isn't challenging enough. I used to work at a mind-numbing job and would resort to doing word or number puzzles just to get some brain exercise, as I could feel my brain deteriorating. I think I'll die of boredom if I don't stimulate my mind. I'm always deep in thought, but occasionally, I find myself worrying about trivial things. I need to channel my thoughts to serious matters. Instead of shopping on eBay for better value, I should focus on how to save my money for the future. Instead of assessing which restaurants are fine to dine at, I should consider taking up cooking classes to prepare myself for married life someday.

I plan to make plans. I'm guilty of thinking, "there's always tomorrow." I waste too much time. Like right now, I should be catching up on my reading, but here I am, writing about how I plan to catch up on my reading. I procrastinate too often. Then there are the times when distractions get the best of me. I check emails, blog, check eBay, and surf for random stuff on the net.

Maybe I get overwhelmed too easily. I get too tired thinking about daily things. How did I handle life at 19 when I juggled two casual jobs, studied full-time, and squeezed in a social life too? When I was feeling adventurous, I also threw a love life into my busy schedule.

I feel like the less responsibility I have, the more stressed out I am over those responsibilities. I've been busying myself with personal and church commitments, but I still feel like I'm not doing enough. I was able to juggle multiple tasks in the past, but I've gone rusty and I'm not on top of my game anymore. My workday planner is rarely filled up, but just one or two errands would get me worked up. A blank page fills me with despair. I can't seem to find the right balance.