grieving

Pets are more than just animals kept in the home; they are beloved members of the family and cherished friends. Unfortunately, the joy of owning a pet is often accompanied by the heartbreak of losing one. Whether due to old age, illness, or an accident, the pet you love will inevitably pass away.

When a person you love dies, it's natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and comfort. Sadly, this understanding is not always extended when the one who died was a pet. Those who have never owned a pet might not comprehend that animals offer companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love. They might consider grieving inappropriate for someone who has lost "just a pet." But nothing could be further from the truth.

I spent two entire days crying over my baby, Sox. My mum still cries almost every morning and some nights. He was part of the family, so when our beloved Sox died, we were overwhelmed by the intensity of our sorrow. For a whole week, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I teared up when I came home and he wasn't there to greet me. I became emotional when I saw the full bowl of dog food because he wasn't around to finish it off. I miss waking up to his dancing eyes and his eagerness to be near me. I miss him tugging on my blanket to wake me up because he wanted to get onto my bed. I miss curling up with him to watch a DVD. I miss playing peekaboo with him. I miss kissing and hugging him. I miss everything about him.

I think the one who misses Sox the most is his brother, Chino, who is recovering from leg surgery. They spent every day together for six years. He made whiney noises that I assumed were equivalent to crying and ran around the house looking for his best friend. He sat by the door, watching and waiting. We told him that Sox had gone to sleep. On the third day, he finally understood, or perhaps he finally accepted the truth and stopped searching for Sox. He then began to grieve.

The whole family is still grieving. It's healthy that we're not holding it in because understanding how to grieve and finding ways to cope with our loss can bring us closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears.

good night and sweet dreams

I still remember the first time I met you. I knew immediately that I’d take you home with me. Your clown face always brought a smile to mine. Your chilled-out attitude and naivety made you easy to love. The way you waddled your fat bottom and swayed your hips made everyone laugh. You were the cutest creature I’d ever known. Your clinginess made me feel needed, and your heavy steps brought life to the house. 

I’ll never forget how you cheered me up through break ups and our cosy naps together; you were the warmest and most cuddly teddy bear I’ve ever had. You were one of the brightest sparks in my life. I regret not being there to see you take your last breath, to hold you in my arms, and to look into your eyes before you closed them forever. I regret being selfish and not prioritising your safety and comfort over my busy social life. I regret neglecting you when you needed me most and feeling you were an inconvenience when you wanted my attention. I regret not letting you on my bed yesterday morning when you stood by the edge, and I rolled over to avoid you. I regret not giving you the love and care you deserved. I regret not checking to see if you were okay or kissing you goodbye this morning when I left the house, like I usually do. 

I am so sorry, Sox. I hope you died painlessly, that you were just dizzy and wanted to rest, and then you fell into a deep sleep. I know how much you loved sleeping, so I hope you’re happy where you are now. It breaks my heart to know that I’ll never see your happy face again.

May you rest in peace, my baby boy.

all in good time

It feels like yesterday when we sat in the car in our pyjamas, chatting into the wee hours of the night and still buzzing from that deep and meaningful conversation the next day. I still remember the numerous non-dates we went on, where you convinced me that fine dining with a friend was considered normal practice.

I was frustrated at times, wondering why God dangled the chemistry cord between us, yet deprived us of the courage and wisdom to pursue more. When we look back now, you admit to chasing me, and I obviously didn't run very fast.

Neither of us is perfect, and we've shared good times and bad. Our relationship has endured trials and arguments that could have broken us, but instead made us stronger.

I may not always agree with God's timing or all of His decisions, but ultimately, He really does take care of us and wants the best for us. I dearly hope that God isn't teasing me, because if this isn't the best, then I can't imagine what is.

Happy 2-year anniversary, Handsome!

banter

Me: After you get married, what car would you drive? *thinks of a family car like a 4WD*

Boyfriend: A porsche

Me: Who are you planning on marrying, sweetie?