the chase

It's risky to be close friends with the opposite sex, especially when there's attraction involved. Going with the flow and riding the chemistry is no longer fun; we're teetering on the edge of dangerous territory, and all this built-up tension can only spell trouble.

I'm sick of the chase. Sure, it can be amusing and exciting, but it's also confusing, frustrating, and ultimately unsatisfying. Time has never been a friend of mine - we're rarely on the same page because life is full of interruptions. I'm tired of this dance; flirting and teasing, waiting and wondering, analysing and rationalising. The uncertainty is unbearable. I'm dying to ask the right questions but too afraid to hear the wrong answers.

In the end, all this could just be in my head. To keep my sanity, maybe I should skip this page and close this whole ambiguous chapter.

undercover

Half a decade ago...

I was napping at his house while he ran some errands. His little sister burst into his room to use the computer, blissfully unaware that I was cocooned under the blanket. It felt too awkward to suddenly say hello after five minutes of stealthy silence. I waited for her to leave, but soon the call of nature became too insistent to ignore. Desperate, I texted him from my hiding spot, pleading for rescue. He promised he'd handle it.

The phone in his room rang, and from her side of the conversation, all I could hear was, "Ok… Uh huh… Yeah." Suddenly, the blanket was yanked away, and we both screamed. He had told her to check under the blanket for something he had forgotten, neglecting to mention that it was, in fact, his girlfriend! I called him afterward, and he laughed.

My first. Merry Christmas, you.

read the book before you meet the author

Someone asked me why I am a Christian. I didn't appreciate his mocking tone, and because of some personal issues I had with him, I let them overtake me, and it became ugly. I wasn't a good witness, and I really regret how I handled the situation.

To answer his question: why am I a Christian? I'm a Christian because I believe that I'm a pretty bad person, and instead of kicking me off this world as I deserved, God allowed His son Jesus to suffer and die for my sins so that I'd be let off the hook.

Trying to explain Christian doctrine to people who don't believe in God is almost like dancing in the street. People think you're crazy. Or worse, they assume you're ignorant—that if you'd sat through a philosophy class or maybe even thought logically, then you'd come to your senses and figure out that God doesn't exist.

Fair enough. Everyone thought that Jesus was crazy. Even His own disciples felt that He was a bit nuts at the end. The disciple Peter wanted Jesus to pick up swords and fight off the Jewish leaders and Roman soldiers. But Jesus was willing to die for what He believed in, and He did. And according to scriptures, He resurrected.

Now, I know that some people don't take the Bible as fact. There are claims that the disciples recorded a bunch of biased fiction just to trick people into following this Jesus dude. I guess it's likely. But who do you know that would be prepared to die for lies? Almost all of the disciples were brutally executed despite having the option to backpedal on their beliefs to survive.

I think that the scriptures are amazing, but that's just my opinion. I love reading the prophecies that were recorded thousands of years before Jesus existed and then seeing how they are fulfilled on the cross where Jesus died. It's incredible how God's plan follows through from start to finish—and then begins Its work in me. I believe in Jesus Christ because my life has been transformed, and when I talk to God, I know that He is listening to my prayers and will answer them in His own time. If you don't believe me, just go and ask God for yourself.

Oh, I'm still not perfect. Just ask my ex-boyfriends. In fact, I can guarantee that I will never be perfect on this Earth. It's a pity that Jesus is judged by His fan club because most of us are idiots and we tend to do really stupid things and then act self-righteous about it.

So to end this entry, I just want to apologise for not being a better representation of Christ. I'm sorry for the times that I've acted in the name of Jesus when I was really just following my own will, for preaching the word of God and then disobeying it myself.