the first move

I'm mentally practicing the art of asking a guy out. Well, I'm technically not going to ask him out, but just hinting for him to ask me out. Or at least manipulate him into asking me to meet up in a non-committal way, just as friends, just because. But I do, of course, have somewhat of a hidden agenda. Only not a very well-hidden one. It's like an agenda wearing a fake moustache and aviator glasses. You know it's meant to be a hidden plan, but the whole disguised aspect just really isn't working. My best friend says that I'm so transparent that I can't even pretend to hide my sneaky intentions.

I'm not one to take the first step. I'm a chicken nugget, and my friends think that guys are afraid of me. They've got good reasons to, and they're damn right in trusting their instincts. If I weren't me, I'd warn guys to stay the hell away from me. She's a mess when it comes to relationships! Run! And don't look back! But, being me, it's my own mental health I need to look out for. I'm only kidding. I've grown up since last year (but it's only March!), and I think I'm much more mature when it comes to relationships. So this is me, casually wading in the kiddie pool of "taking the first step." In the hopes that maybe, just maybe, one day I will dare to jump in the deep end. Without my floaties.

My friend has been contemplating for months about asking her crush out. I've tried to motivate her, but she's still not game enough. I guess it's because she likes him a lot, so she's got a lot to risk (like her dignity, job, reputation at work, you know, nothing major). So I have it easier because this guy and I don't really know each other yet, but we had that comfortable vibe going from the beginning, so that makes it less painful. Besides, I'm gambling with free money here. I have absolutely nothing to lose. I'm not even asking him out; I'm just going to talk to him, and if he wants to ask me out, then that's up to him. (Though, I know I'll be disappointed, my ego will be bruised, and I'll whinge about it if he doesn't).

Someone told me that the next person I go out with could be someone I might end up with. Only because we're all getting old! I mean, there's no point in engaging in another three-year relationship and ending up with nothing/no one. It's all about investing now, eh? Are we only supposed to date marriage material guys now?