drift

I've got it all but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go?
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go?

:: Stacie Orrico - (There's Gotta Be) More To Life

                                  ~*~ 

This is about as honest as I could be with myself.
How often do you find yourself reaching for thin air?

I want someone to talk to during my drives, anywhere. Mostly though, from 5:30 pm to 11:59 pm on weeknights. Someone who has nothing better to do but email me when I'm at work or text me for no reason, just to say nothing. Just so I know, someone out there wants to be informed about the events in my life. Just so I can have that last phone call of the day. There are days when I just miss hearing, "Goodnight, baby." But there is not a single day when I don't wonder, what if... Although the thought only lasts a nanosecond, it still crosses my mind, nonetheless. One day I'll forget to wonder... That will be the day I clear my mind of any lingering thoughts.

(not so) sweet november

Do you remember the first time when you liked someone and they liked you back? It's been a while, but I reminisce about those innocent days filled with optimism and hope. Uncorrupted by a messy history, uncluttered by heart-rending experiences, you were ready to trust, to fall in love, and to live happily ever after.

It's been so long since I acted silly, and I want to feel like a carefree kid again. I miss being a teenager, being able to act stupidly cute because a crush noticed my attempts to grab his attention. I miss catching the late bus just to glimpse his wonderful smile, flirting like an amateur, and holding his hand as if it were made for mine. Puppy love is such a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Have you ever caught yourself comparing a new relationship to a previous one? There was a phase when I thought I'd never like another guy because I was so head-over-heels in love with my ex-boyfriend. Maybe it was because it was my first love, leading me to assume we can only have one great love in our life?

I think it's time to bid farewell to those old feelings. I don't want to overlook any new potential feelings. I love the rush of liking someone new—the butterflies, the inability to eat or sleep because you're so smitten (yeah, I can be obsessive, I mean passionate like that). It's sad to leave my comfort zone and seek happiness elsewhere, but my comfort zone now feels cold and deserted, and you know how I hate being home alone...

It's already November. The year is almost over, and it's been raining for the last few days. I hope it continues until next year—a fitting way to bid farewell to 2004.