a lot like love

What I miss most about having a boyfriend is having someone special to call anytime, anywhere. Whether I'm stuck in traffic, waking up from a nightmare at 3 in the morning or just can't sleep, a significant other would always have his phone by his bedside, just in case. I miss knowing someone would willingly wake up just to keep me company, not because he's being polite, but just because.

Friends are great and all, but it's not the same. I've got friends who don't mind the occasional midnight call, but I still feel guilty for waking them. Plus, eventually, they'll find their own partners and I’ll be back to counting sheep alone.

I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I miss being there for someone special too. I like feeling needed and knowing I can be there for someone just as much as they are for me.

Man isn’t meant to be alone. I'm not afraid of being alone - I’d rather have no company than bad company. It’s the loneliness that bothers me. It's not about being with just anyone; it’s about being with the right one.

empty void

The world is becoming very superficial, and, sadly, I'm a part of it. Lately, I've been wrestling with personal issues, impersonal issues, and issues that aren't even mine. Everyone's got their own problems, and life seems to get more complicated with age. When bad things happen to people you know, you can't help but feel angry at people you don't know. I can only offer my ears to listen and my shoulder to lean on, but at the end of the day, we each have to fix our own issues. Sometimes my troubles feel so intense that I just want to unload this heavy burden onto someone else.

I know it's wrong to be materialistic, and I've tried to fight the temptations, but sometimes a little retail therapy doesn't hurt, right? I don't like shopping; I just like having new things. The whole shopping experience can be tedious. I'm an impulsive shopper - I don't stand around feeling the fabric, trying on clothes, or parading around the changing room. When you want something and can afford it, just buy it. Hesitating and stressing over it just takes away the pleasure of having the item. I mostly buy clothes that are displayed on mannequins; they're such good models to look up to when you don't have the patience to venture inside the shops to hunt for clothes.

When you're not feeling good on the inside, what can you do but decorate your outside? I visited the beautician yesterday to have a facial and to reshape my eyebrows (those things were getting out of control, again).

Beautician: Who shaped your eyebrows for you? (in a disgusted tone) Me: Umm... that would be me. Beautician: I see. Don't do that anymore.

My ego couldn't help but feel that she was just trying to make money from me. I also got a haircut, which was intended to be a trim. But since I get my haircuts at this guy’s garage, I can't really complain about his services, considering it only costs me $14 each time I go there. For that amount, I get the works - hair wash, cut, and blow dry. The fact that he doesn't speak much English probably contributes to why he cuts about 20 cm off my hair whenever I ask for a trim. I'm beginning to suspect that he doesn't understand the term "trim." Too bad I don't speak any Cantonese.

After all that pampering, I'm still feeling this empty void.

"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

love and marriage

I really like this poem.

His hello was the end of her endings.
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle.
His hand would be hers to hold forever,
His forever was as simple as her smile.
He said she was what was missing,
She said instantly she knew.
She was a question to be answered,
And his answer was I do.

:: Carrie Bradshaw, SATC.

One of my best friends got engaged last night! Love is definitely in the air this winter - my sister got engaged recently too. I belong to a diamond. The four of us are a tight-knit group with similar yet distinct personalities. Spending so much time together has intertwined our traits, but our differences add spice, making our foursome oh-so-awesome.

A few years ago, we jokingly predicted who among us would be the first down the aisle and who would be the last. The one who got engaged last night was voted most likely to be last. She protested, reminding us that she was single while the rest of us had long-term boyfriends at the time. The twist? She’s only been with her fiancé for under a year. She sure showed us that when it comes to love and security, time means nothing.

My best friend's engagement has reignited my old debate about the importance of timing in relationships. It’s pretty inspiring to see two people who are confident they want to spend the rest of their lives together - especially after dating for just nine months (though he did buy the ring at the six-month mark). There are so many factors to consider before taking the plunge: mutual faith, age, length of dating, financial stability - these all link to work, family, and other commitments. Do we really need to tick off every box before committing? Maybe, just this once, we should toss the checklist and follow our hearts.

winter blues

I'm starting to feel winter's icy grip; the chills are creeping in. For the past month, I've had that warm and fuzzy feeling to wake me up every morning. This week, though, hasn't been so peachy; the giddiness and butterflies have vanished, leaving me with an empty void. Maybe I should just chalk these feelings up to PMS.

The BF is lucky to be out of town, dodging the storm, and how convenient that his phone battery went flat right in the middle of my PMS meltdown!