silent conversation

Above anything, we all long to hear that satisfying click when pieces of ourselves and pieces of another person fit together and fall perfectly into place, like a space rocket docking smoothly into the astro station among trillions of twinkling stars.
 
Midnight chats that sliced into the guts of our adolescence and burned into my memory for eternity, prancing in their naivety and swimming in a pool of nostalgic infatuation. For the connection to hold, it has to be reciprocated. It has to comb through honest conversations that flow in both directions. To truly understand and be understood, we must break down the walls, sit up, and pay attention. You were the first to really know me. Between our banter, I occasionally let you ruffle my feathers to amuse your boyish humour.

Handholding, hair twirling, hearts racing. Warm hugs, French kisses, bodies intertwined. Never underestimate the element of physical touch. Discovering new grounds and exploring more firsts than I was ever ready for, I thought we were madly in love. In our juvenile hearts and young minds, we felt that we were qualified to test our desires, but in hindsight, the main drivers were just our raging hormones and undeniable chemistry. What makes a young “love” experience so powerful? A time when our hearts were still innocent and pure, and even long after that hot flame dies out, some warm embers remain to keep the memory aglow. An unfinished romance can linger for years, with certain stories left untold.

I dumped our past in the back pocket of my mind and cast us off as one of my biggest mistakes. I could not and would not revisit those feelings because you were not worthy of my time. When triggered, the buried memories rush back and I am overwhelmed by embarrassment as I am reminded of my fatal attraction to you. For so long, I convinced myself that you were not special, and what we shared was fleeting and superficial. I did that because I believed that was how you felt about me, too.

Until yesterday, when you unexpectedly shared with me what should have been said many moons ago. It would have saved me years of regret and resentment.

I guess this is what they call closure.