how to win friends and influence people

Today, I have an interview with a recruitment agency. I'm debating whether to wear eyeliner - a small step toward breaking out of my rut. I'm hopeful they'll help me find a better job so I can gather the courage to leave my current one. This Thursday, I have a meeting with my boss about my future development plan and ambitions. I doubt my boss would be pleased if my only ambition is to leave this company.

As for the self-help book I'm reading, "How To Win Friends And Influence People," should I feel embarrassed? I initially borrowed it a few months ago because the title amused me, and I was curious about its content. It had been gathering dust on my shelf, but after hearing good reviews, I decided to give it a read. Perhaps reading it on a crowded train wasn't the best idea; people can be judgmental. I think I caught an old lady giving me sympathetic looks while I was absorbed in my book this morning.

Since work was slow, I continued reading. Interestingly, my colleagues have started offering to get me coffee and other things. Looks like the self-help book is already having an effect!

vanilla sky

We all impose rules on ourselves. They're not official policies engraved on plaques hung on our walls; rather, they're mental guides through life.

When you set these rules, you enforce them. But what happens when you break them? Are you then responsible for assigning your own punishment? Right and wrong seem straightforward, black and white, yet there's often a grey area. We make exceptions for things that don't neatly fit into either category. Mistakes are part of daily life. If no one knows of our mistakes, who judges us? Perhaps the guilt we carry is the price for our secret errors.

Life can feel ephemeral. Some days, I resist waking up - not out of depression, but sheer indifference. Facing another day, knowing it will pass like countless others, can be dulling. Most days, I'm content, but occasionally, a glum mood settles in. Distractions help momentarily, but nothing holds my interest for long.

The twist at the end of "Vanilla Sky" is breathtaking. The concept of living eternally in a dream, orchestrating every detail of that illusory life without ever knowing it's mere fantasy, is brilliant. Ignorance, they say, is bliss. Tom Cruise's character chooses the real world when given the choice in the movie. Films often persuade us that reality is superior simply because it's real. Given the option, though, I'd prefer the dream - a world crafted by my imagination to fulfil my desires. As long as I remain unaware it's a dream, it's my reality.

there's gotta be more to life

You know those social butterflies, the singles who embrace their "freedom" without a significant other, living it up at every party with the same group of friends? They mingle, have fun, but inevitably head home alone. I often wonder if they feel lonely sometimes, if they miss having someone special to call their own. Do they lie awake at night, feeling the empty cold space beside them, staring at the undisturbed second pillow that reminds them of their solitude?

I confided in my best friend that I felt like curling up into a ball and hiding under a blanket. It sounds so unhealthy, doesn't it? But let me tell you what's truly unhealthy. It's having a loving family, wonderful friends, and a good (enough) life, yet still finding yourself sulking. It's never feeling satisfied, always thinking there must be more to life. That's been my broken record for the past year.

the notebook

Being understood and loved would be perfect. Not understanding someone, and still be able to love them is a challenge.

I recently watched The Note Book, a love story. Funny how every love tale must revolve around a knotty love triangle. Complication, betrayal and heartbreak are all the ingredients that make these anecdotes tantalising. Somebody is destined to be cut, simply because the heroine can only desire one. They say you don't get to choose whom you love, so obviously the choice of who will love you back is also not negotiable.

you, off my planet!

Before I vent about my seemingly trivial life, amidst the weightier issues like the Asian tsunami, the Iraq war, and homelessness, I apologise. My problems are small, but I need an outlet.

Firstly, I've been dealing with a chronic issue: headaches. It's frustrating because despite multiple doctor visits, I always leave with an explanation but no prescription. Apparently, it boils down to sleep deprivation causing these persistent headaches. And then there's my ongoing battle with the staff at McDonald's. No matter how many times I order my Oreo McFlurry with extra Oreo, they never seem to get it right. Oreo are crucial to me - I feel like my McFlurry is naked without them. It's one of my biggest pet peeves when people don't deliver what I've clearly ordered, especially after explaining it in detail. I don't mind paying extra for that extra Oreo! So, by now, you can tell I'm in a foul mood. Then, to top it off, my fringe starts bothering me, and in a fit of annoyance, I give myself the worst haircut imaginable. I look like a seven-year-old with a jagged fringe way too short. Looks like I'll be sporting a headband for the next few weeks.

Of course, I know I could have been clinging to a coconut tree in Phuket, Thailand, fighting for my life. I'm aware that would have been life-threatening and tragic. That's why I'll stop complaining about my petty issues. Sometimes I think about making a difference, but it would take more than thoughts to help these suffering nations.