no milkman's daughter

I spend two hours of my day on the train whenever I work. I always look out the window and daydream on the way to work, and I fall asleep on the way back. I daydream about everything. I wonder and question the unquestionable. Like how it's not fair that my brother and sister are both tall and slim, while I'm kind of petite and "meaty." (I know I'm not fat, but I'm meaty!) WHY? As a little girl, I always thought I was different because my brother and sister looked identical. People used to think they were twins. They both had my dad's features, and I... I was the milkman's daughter with different features.

Fortunately, as I got older, my sister and I started to look alike. I was becoming a smaller version of her. Some people still think that my sister and I look the same, while others believe that we're not at all related. I was also told that I've inherited my great-grandmother's attributes, so I'm very much my father's daughter. No milkman's daughter here, no siree! And that blew the stereotype out the window.

the days of my life

Yesterday, I played handball with the girls in primary school, cried over grazed knees and ripped socks, gambled with my cousins during Chinese New Year at my aunt's house, watched TV with my parents, and excitedly told them about my day. I couldn't wait to go to school just to see my friends. Maths class was my sanctuary, not just because the teacher was brilliant, but because it was a place where everything made sense and I felt truly alive. I caught the school bus just to catch a glimpse of that cute guy. I went to bed smiling.

Today, I drag myself out of bed just to get to work. I catch the train alone and hug myself to keep warm. I'm sick and tired of the rat race, wondering if this is what the rest of my life will be like. I can't be bothered talking to my parents because "they just don't seem to understand." I haven't seen my best friends in weeks, cancelling on them because I had to work last Friday. Uni feels pointless because the endless assignments and exams seem disconnected from real-world applications. I lock myself up in my room, worry about what to wear, and never visit my relatives anymore. I get upset over the ex-boyfriend and am constantly lacking sleep.

Tomorrow is just another day.

zero tolerance for numbers

I've been stressing at work over stupid accounting crap (I HATE dealing with numbers) and I swear never to work in a job with numbers again. This brings me to my next problem. My job used to revolve around marketing, but since my manager is an accountant (for the marketing team), I do a bit of accounting here and there. From having little involvement, it has now progressed to a significant portion of my duties, and I'm afraid that my job will become half accounting. The role I interviewed for was part-time Marketing Administrator!

I'm starting to wish I had paid more attention when I took that Accounting subject last year. I wish I hadn't copied Caz's homework or fluked my way through exams. How could I have known that I'd need accounting in life? Maybe it's my fault; I keep saying how easy my job is, so now they're giving me more to do. My boss says that he'll go over more accounting tasks with me next month so I can check our journal ledgers and blah blah blah. Kill me, kill me now. I don't mind numbers, little numbers are fine. But, when you ask me to figure out expenses that exceed six digits, then yes, I do have a problem with it. I don't want to be responsible for monitoring so much money (that's not even mine!).

My boss and I spent a few hours trying to find the missing figures and allocate them to the right places. I was hoping for some drama at work, like an employee trying to steal the company's money by manipulating the system, but it turned out to be just someone coding the amounts to the wrong accounts. I kept thinking it was my fault whenever there was an amount out of place, like as if I had somehow morphed into a genius and transferred the money into my own bank account. I felt so relieved when everything was in order. When I saw 0, it meant that everything was balanced and for once in my life, 0 was an indication of success.

time is money

I'm 21 years and 14 ½ months old, and I haven't achieved anything. I feel disheartened. People my age are working full-time and some even have their own property. I don't even have a savings account! I keep cruising along, half awake at uni, completely asleep at work. I'm not really striving to do my best at anything, and before I know it, I'm running out of time. I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME, PEOPLE!

:: The Plan ::

* Finish my degree in a year's time and graduate from university 

* Apply for a full time position for a higher role at the same company

* Invest, buy my first property

* Find a sucker to marry me

* Live happily ever after

:: The Reality ::

* Drop out of university and bum off parents