to all the friends i’ve loved before

It took me decades to realise that some friendships are meant for chapters, not the whole book. I held on out of sentimentality or a sense of duty, even as life carried us in different directions. I once believed that shared history guaranteed loyalty. But aging teaches me that bonds can unravel, and not everyone makes it into my future.

But growth demands honesty. Not every relationship is built to last. There’s nothing more awkward than a flat conversation or one laced with subtle competition, where everything becomes a comparison. I’d take watching cement dry over forced small talk any day. I now gravitate toward friends who bring joy, encouragement and authenticity.

I used to feel responsible for everyone’s happiness, often at the cost of my own. I was overly inclusive, inviting people along and bridging social circles just to make sure no one felt left out. Secretly, I resented it. Entertaining acquaintances I wasn’t particularly fond of out of guilt was a self-inflicted burden that only fed internal conflict.

Looking back, I regret the hours spent crafting polite ways to say no just to spare feelings. Now, it only takes a few taps to disconnect: a simple unfollow on social media, a bit of silence, a shift in energy. Sometimes the quietest exit speaks the loudest intentions.

I don’t take breakups lightly. I’m nostalgic and have abandonment issues, so I tend to hold on longer than is healthy. This habit stems from past trauma, where moving on felt like losing a part of myself. When I finally step away, it means I’ve tolerated enough and reached my limit. I know it’s not ideal, but it has been my mechanism for self-preservation.

Learning to let go is not just about cutting ties; it’s about making room for healthier, more genuine relationships that benefit all parties.

playground politics

The past week has been an uphill climb, a steep learning curve, and a test of loyalty. But as they say, adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it.

One of the clearest insights is recognising that friendship can’t be forced. If someone doesn’t share your values or have common interests, a genuine connection will never form. Sometimes, being secure in yourself unsettles those who aren’t. Instead of working through that discomfort, some resort to exclusion, gossip, or passive aggression.

It’s not an easy truth to accept, especially at a young age, but you learn there’s no need to shrink to make space for others. It’s possible to hold your ground and speak up, even when it feels awkward or unpopular.

The way you stand counts as much as what you stand for. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. You can be firm in your opinions and kind in your words. You can call something out without tearing someone down. And you can use your voice without closing your ears. Respect isn’t silence, but having the gut to gauge when your words strike a nerve.

My message hit its mark. The culprits acknowledged their mistakes, showed remorse, and sought to reconcile. There’s satisfaction in knowing my words are sharp, and when wielded with care, they can pierce through pride and spark change. It takes humility and courage to apologise, both in writing and face to face, and to be accountable for your actions, which deserves credit. Dave remains sceptical about their sincerity, but I’m relieved there’s peace in the playground, the air has been cleared, and the tension defused. At the very least, they now know the adults are watching, not just bystanders but standing guard.

From this challenge, I’ve received strong support from fellow mama bears who share the same parenting values. It’s comforting to be in good company. In the end, moments of friction cut through the noise and show who’s really there for you.

if the shoe fits

Taylor Swift is often scrutinised for turning her experiences with heartbreak or those who’ve wronged her into songs. But she’s not the only one documenting betrayal in real time. I’ve been doing the same, just with fewer guitars and a much smaller audience

Blogging was my outlet long before social media existed. I wrote to vent, sometimes with a little subliminal messaging woven in for good measure. I didn’t need a mass following; just a handful of loyal readers were enough to feel heard and make my point. That space was mine. It still is. Now, I continue to write about people who have crossed me or my family. If you don’t want to be cast as the villain in someone else’s story, then don’t mistreat them. It’s that simple. Actions have consequences. I won’t apologise for writing. This is my page. My story. I’m not handing out invitations or tagging anyone. But if you’re lurking, reading between the lines and feeling exposed and offended, pause and ask yourself why. If the shoe fits, that’s not on me. Maybe take that discomfort as a sign to reflect, and to spend less time spying on other people’s lives and more time completing your own classwork instead of copying someone else’s. 

My last post touched on my daughter’s friendship breakdown. Some might say, “Let the kids figure it out.” And while that sounds noble, to me, it’s often a cop out. Yes, children need to grow and learn, but not when they’re being hurt, trapped, or made to feel powerless. That’s when they need their parents. That’s when I step in. The world is already hard. I’m not going to stand back and let it wear away at my child without doing everything I can to make her feel safe and supported. She knows I’ll speak up. She knows I won’t let things slide just to keep the peace. If anything, I want people to know she has a mother who will protect her. 

Cyberstalking, hiding behind fake accounts, using “cheat sheets” during exams, and schoolyard gossip might seem like fun and games until someone ends up in the principal’s office and suspended from school. 

So no, this isn’t just about school drama. This is me drawing a line. You don’t get to mess with my girl and think there won’t be repercussions.

mate expectations

Every parent hopes their child will find friends who are kind, honest, thoughtful and grounded. We want them surrounded by people who value learning, stand up for what’s right, support others when it matters, and respect boundaries. The thought of them losing themselves to fit in, or being pulled into choices that chip away at who they are, is genuinely unsettling.

Watching my own daughter navigate this stage, I’ve seen how intense and unpredictable high school friendships can be. Puberty brings a whirlwind of emotions and self-discovery, and during this time, the need to belong can shape so much of how she sees herself and those around her. Interests change, dynamics fluctuate, and the line between encouragement and pressure can blur quickly.

We try to raise our kids with strong values: to know their worth, be kind without being a pushover, and to walk away when something doesn’t feel right. Letting go of the wrong people is hard at any age, but especially in adolescence when friendships feel like everything. Watching her do it with self-respect is something to be proud of. She’s not just making friends; she’s forming a circle she’ll carry into adulthood, one defined by integrity, empathy and authentic connection.

Some friendships will fade, and that’s a natural part of growing up. The more important thing is that she’s learning to recognise what’s real - bonds built on trust, consistency and care. The ones that don’t just survive the twists and turns of youth but grow stronger because of them.